We Will Rock You
by Dark and prone to violence
Summary: AUIt's sex, drugs and rock and roll time people. The Marauders and Kingsley live it up as Rock Gods. James! Lady's Man, Sirius! Drag, Remus! Musical Genius, Kingsley! Lovechildren! R&R. Moved to my new account, Hatgurl.


**Disclamer:** Before persisting foreward with this story, I would like to remind all readers that I don't own Harry Potter and this is a VERY AU story. Mmmkay? I'd also like to point out that I own none of the songs sang over the course of this fanfic.

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**We Will Rock You**

Chapter 1

"You shouldn't have done it."

"Don't you tell me what I shouldn't have done."

"Seriously, peepig like that's going to get your more than this next time if one of the girls decides to tell McGonagall."

"Yeah, you daft prick, besides, something tells me that the female creature is smart enough to see you pressed up against the window like an owl in heat more than once."

"Now don't you go siding with him!" Sirius protested angrily. "Don't you think that if you had the chance, you'd peep on Evans like that?"

James rolled his eyes. "Evans, Evans, Evans, do you really think she's all I think about?" The other three boys gave him a look that showed their answer undisputibly. "Oh, sod off!"

"Who's sodding off now?" asked Kingsley Shaklebolt as he entered the room, casually plucking at his fledgling afro with a small comb.

"All of us." replied Remus as he prodded the result of Sirius' peeping with his wand.

Peter laughed and snapped a picture of Sirius. Sirius swatted wildly at him but the little fat boy stepped away and snapped more pictures are Remus steadied him.

"Calm down you, do want me to give up on this and send you down to the Hospital Wing?" he threatened. Remus prodded him again and flipped through a basic healing book. "This should do it...degraduous!" Sirius cried out in pain. "Oops! Opps! Sorry umm...Oh! There we go, back to normal."

Sirius growled. Remus backed off slightly.

"Look on the bright side. Having a toucan's head could get you tons of hippie cult chicks." commented James. Sirius blinked his beady black bird eyes.

"Hmm...you think? Those girls are some kind of freaky!" he exclaimed hopping over his bed and walking over to the in-dorm bathroom. He examined himself in the mirror and ruffled his feathers.

"Alright, that's enough. Let's get you fixed up." said Remus walking into the bathroom with his wand. Sirius, having changed his mind significantly, backed off.

"No!" he exclaimed, pushing past Remus and running for the window, a rather stupid move considering that they were on the fifth floor of a seventh floor tower. He was abruptly tackled by Kingsley, James and Peter. "Gaaaaaaahhhh! I wan't my hippie cult chicks! _Cuckaw! Cuckaw!_"

Sirius managed to throw them off and make for the window again. He wrenched it open and got ready to jump out. Remus leapt at him and pushed him out of the way. "Mouonculus!"

Sirius's head returned to normal, but now he lay on the floor panting with the other boys feebly crying: "Cuckaw...cuckaw..."

James groaned and got up. He walked over to his trunk and pulled out some candy from Honeydukes. "Anybody want some?" he asked. Remus shot up like a flare. James held onto his sweets defensively. "Not you! You have your own! Last time I opened my trunk to you, you raped my entire chocolate supply!"

Remus pouted and then lay down again, resting his head on Sirius's stomach. Sirius sighed and stared pensively.

"What'cha thinking about Paaaaaaady?" asked Peter, face firmly planted on the floor.

"After wanting hippie cult chicks, and then losing my chance to be with them, I don't think I'll ever want anything again." he murmured melodramaticly. The other guys cast him the same sort of look they'd previously given James.

"Oh, come on, you'll be peeping in obvious places again by next week." said Kingsley in an attempt to be comforting.

"Or!...Or..." The other guys looked at James.

"Or what?" asked Remus curiously.

"We could find a way to make the girls come to us." he said triumphantly. Kingsley rolled his eyes.

"We're not going to be prostitutes James." he replied.

"Well you got a better idea? We're all good looking...'cept Remus and Peter." Sirius commented.

"Hey!" The two said in union.

"Peter's the only ugly one! I'm only a skinny nancy boy when I've got Wolfsbane in my system." It was true. While 95 of the time, Remus was a skinny, overtly tall study nerd who looked completely human, it wasn't him naturally. This look was acheived when the 'Lycanthropic Miracle Drug' Wolfsbane was created. Similar to the very recent Wolfsbane potion, Wolfsbane was injected directly into one's body by means of syringe and it reverted the Lycanthrope in question to a completely human form. For Remus this meant, hot, but not when anybody important was around. Dammit. Sirius had once said if Remus shaved his feet and shins...his ears...and changed his eye colour he'd be able to pick up chicks with the best of them. Sadly, most women weren't into werewolves, though by all means, Remus was to die for in his true form.

The other boys nodded in recognition to what Remus said, including Peter. Sirius giggled. "Moony has his vain moments." he said in a singsong voice.

Kingsley sighed. "If only we could lure women to us...like the Pied Piper did rats..." That set off a lightbulb in Sirius's pretty little head. He looked like he'd been divinely inspired.

"What kind of people do we know that get more chicks than anybody?" he said with a look in his eye that said that the cogs were turning in his head.

"Muggle Firemen?" murmured Peter.

"No, stupid! Rockstars! We're all of good musical ability...except Peter, but he's buisiness savvy! He could be our manager!"

Remus looked at him like he was crazy. "It's a nice fantasy, but you really are daft." Sirius smirked.

"That's only because you've got the best singing voice, therefore, you'd get stuck as lead singer, and you're shyyyyyyyyyyy." he taunted. Remus looked at him indignantly.

"I am not! And I don't sing!"

"Yes you do! Now do as I say or I shall taunt you a second time!" he roared. Remus huddled himself in a corner and tried to protest, but no avail, mainly because Sirius, James and Kingsley were now in a conga line.

"We're gonna be a rock band! HEY! We're gonna sleep with lad-ehs! HEY! We're gonna roll in mo-neh! HEY!"


End file.
